Lazy Shit

I should know better than to read Newsday.

As I’ve said before, I’ve spent a good bit of time living on Long Island. This is unfortunate, but it’s fact. Newsday is Long Island’s daily newspaper. It used to have the best sports section in New York. That’s why I’d read it.

Now Newsday’s sports section is three pages long because they’ve laid off shitloads of staffers. It sucks. I don’t even bother anymore.

Yesterday I picked up a copy of Newsday and started reading. I don’t know why I did this. I really should know better.

Why?

Because this is an example of horrendously lazy reporting. You’re given an assignment to find a handful of bars where people can find St. Patrick’s Day promotions, so you think of all the bars on Long Island that have Irish names. You call the most famous one and ask them what they’re doing for the day.

They tell you they’re featuring corned beef and cabbage. Then they tell you a Billy Joel cover band is performing. Then, instead of realizing you can do better, you say to yourself, “That sounds like St. Patrick’s Day to me!”

Also, please stop calling it “St. Patty’s Day.” First off, the Irish shortening of Patrick, or Padraig, is “Paddy.” Secondly, none of you knew St. Patrick well enough to be so familiar.

Corned beef, cabbage and Billy Joel. Long Island fucking sucks, man.